I don’t know if these kinds of posts are of interest to readers, I do see some subscribers unsubscribe with what I’m assuming is disinterest in all this baby talk but this blog has always been an extension of my daily life and I can’t deny that it is all about the baby right now.
This has been a long and short month. I’m not really sure how exactly to explain it but life has a way of feeling long and short, easy and hard, tiring and exhilarating, all at the same time right now. I can’t believe the love I feel for this little creature. A lot of hours are lost just staring at her and we spend a lot of time cuddled up together, especially in the late afternoons, while I put my itunes on shuffle and sing her old country songs.
Being home with a newborn has definitely been challenging, especially surrendering to the fact that there is no routine right now. The past two weeks of being on my own with Noe all day have been difficult to say the least. This is the ultimate practice of yoga. Being in the moment, establishing the union of mother and child, shedding old perceptions of myself, letting go of vanity-filled thoughts, practicing selflessness and patience on a whole new level.
I won’t lie, there have been some seriously tough moments these past few weeks. I think everyone in our house is sleep deprived and a bit on edge, including Eli and Guy.
Noe is a baby that likes to be held. She sleeps okay at night but it’s nearly impossible to get her down for a nap during the day unless she’s on top of me. Maybe I’m being a softie but I really can’t stand listening to her high pitched cries for very long so most of the time I’m holding her. Right now I’m typing this with one hand while cradling her in the other. Needless to say writing this has taken a long time.
Watching Noe change a little bit every day makes me excited for all the things to come. I am clinging to these first few weeks when she’s so little and soft and warm and fits so perfectly in the crook of my neck with her chubby little cheek pressed against my shoulder.
But I look forward to seeing her smile and really recognizing us. Right now I don’t think she really sees anything except my nipple, haha.
I’ve never felt so raw and emotionally uncovered before. Postpartum hormones are no joke, add the lack of sleep and I feel like a crazy person. Poor Michael has to deal with all my crazy while also working insane hours the past few weeks as he preps for a pitch later this week.
The first night home after the hospital I cried. Big, hot tears rolled down my face as I sat on our couch in our new house with our new baby. I was overwhelmed with the idea of being a mom and also my own recovery. It’s sort of a cruel joke played by the universe. Here you are having gone through one of the most physically grueling things your body will ever be put through (God willing) and instead of getting rest, you’re given sleep deprivation. We had an in-home nurse visit us the day after we came home. After taking a look at Noe she checked me out and asked how I was doing. I said alright but she could see the raw emotions in my eyes and promptly gave me some sound advice to make sure I get outside for at least 5 minutes a day. She told me to put my face up to the sun and soak in a little vitamin D, that it would do wonders and it has.
Physically I’m feeling more and more like myself every day. The first week I started walking a little bit and have gradually upped the mileage. This week my sister was here and we did a pretty fast 2.5 mile walk. It’s a definite improvement from day 6 when I walked with my mom to Panera’s (about 5 blocks away) and was absolutely spent afterward. I’m so impressed by the body’s way of healing. And I’m very much looking forward to getting back to running again in a few weeks.
I know I’m rambling, but honestly there so much more I could talk about. Being a mom is legitimately the hardest job I’ve ever had. It’s 24/7. Apologies to all my girlfriends who’ve had kids before me. I didn’t realize how hard things were in those first few weeks. I should have texted more often to check in, or called, or visited to hold your baby for a few minutes while you folded laundry, took an extra long shower or ate lunch with both hands. I had no idea, seriously, none, You’re all bad asses!
Month One Highlights:
Weight: not totally sure but guessing around 9lbs
Likes: being held, eating, the stroller, the car, baths (especially getting her hair washed), music
Dislikes: naps, getting changed (especially putting on a new diaper), the noise the dog’s tags make when he shakes his head
Can’t live without: halo swaddles, a million burp clothes, newborn onesies (it was surprisingly hard to find long sleeved newborn onesies, especially with zippers instead of snaps)
Favorite Noe-ism: when she’s sleeping and a noise startles her she throws both hands in the air with her palms toward her face like an old Italian man yelling at a car or unruly teenager
Exercise: Walking every day
Looking forward to: running, warmer days, my morning tea and breakfast, seeing her genuinely smile at us
I guess that’s it. There’s a crying baby that needs attending to now.
Enjoy and Exhale!